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It is not the place to find your “down-to-earth, no-drama girlfriend” or your “partner in crime.” Love languages, attachment styles, tacos, and other clichés of Internet dating surface only rarely. I describe it to my friends as “the grownup hookup app.” By “grownup,” I mean not only that its users are above a certain age but also that they favor a kind of maturity and decorum by “hookup,” I mean that the app facilitates not romance but sex, broadly defined. Activity on the app peaks around four o’clock in the afternoon from Sunday to Thursday. Thirty-five per cent of users are part of a couple. “It could indicate the rest of us.”Īccording to the company’s data, the typical Feeld user is between twenty-five and thirty years old and lives in a big city. (“Fatter than my pictures 😂,” one user wrote.) Using Feeld, I often think of a line I read in Jeremy Atherton Lin’s book-length monograph “ Gay Bar,” about the nature of queer spaces in night life: “ Inclusivity might not mean everybody,” Lin writes. Some users request no overtures from cis males, white people, or straight people others make wry jokes about oppressive beauty standards. On Feeld, I’ve seen self-identified lesbians who want to have sex with men, men who desire lesbians, and “heteroflexibles.” In a setting sometimes described as “non-normative,” there are asexuals, cuckold fantasists, kitchen-table polyamorists, eco-sexuals, and collectives of men offering group sex to single women. It is a place to be yourself, or to play at being someone else. enthusiasts, and “digisexuals,” who prefer their erotic contact with others mediated by a screen. The app is popular with nonbinary and trans people, married couples trying to spice up their sex lives, hard-core B.D.S.M. You can join linked with a partner or as a single person, and choose from among twenty different categories of gender and sexuality. Below the photos is a caption that might read, “🙃, 31, transmasculine, gynesexual, 3 km away.”įeeld was started in London and today is available in more than a hundred countries. As on most dating apps, the profiles lead with photos, which range from smiling couples in formal dress at weddings to torsos in bondage gear.

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This is when I downloaded a dating app called Feeld.įeeld describes itself as a technology for “open-minded singles and couples who want to explore their sexuality.” It is free to sign up, although a paid membership, priced at twelve dollars a month, offers perks such as the ability to conduct specialized searches and let someone know that you like them before they’ve liked you. It did not take long to understand that there would be no ladder back to the world I had known, and that the portal to whatever it was that came next was probably going to appear on my phone. In Haruki Murakami’s novel “ 1Q84,” a character climbs down a ladder into a parallel existence in which things appear to be the same but nothing really is. My apartment, with its cat and its plants, still existed but was no longer my home I could get a glass of cold prosecco at my favorite bar, but the people I used to see there seemed to have vanished. I wandered the sidewalks of my Brooklyn neighborhood, where discarded masks littered the gutters, with a sense of having been exiled from my own life. I was thirty-nine and scared by the idea that I would not be reproducing the kind of heteronormative nuclear family I had grown up in. In the late summer of 2020, when much of normal social life was suspended, a relationship that I had been in for several years abruptly collapsed.

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